The One-Millionth Blog Post about South by Southwest

Hey everyone. I got this weird thing called a "day job", which changed my schedule around and gave me an excuse not to post in this blog as much as I promised I would. I hope somewhere out there, someone was actually upset by that, because it's been a while since I've had a stalker and I'm getting nostalgic.

I attended South by Southwest! Great! Awesome for me! I did so because I basically live in SXSW, I like music and it's more fun than complaining about it. Well, I did complain some, but tried to limit it to things that are particularly disheartening about the crowds that were here last week compared with previous South-by years. I still haven't been able to process everything, it was a week that felt like a month and I found myself socially tested in a number of unusual situations, such as what could have easily turned into an altercation between me on my bike on the Lance Armstrong Bikeway and a pedicab that blocked me (she had an elderly couple as her passengers, it was awkward). The huge free events have brought more people than ever to this city, and for the first time I don't think we are able to properly handle it (by the way, if anyone from SXSW reads this, leave small free events at regular venues and house shows alone). It was a great week though, seriously. The best of my life? Almost.

Highlights:

-- Being one of 50 people to see Aziz Ansari, Michael Ian Black and Eugene Mirman, three of my favorite comedians, at the Comedy Death Ray show at the IFC Crossroads House* (not sure how I pulled that off)

-- Seeing one of my all time favorite bands, Paint it Black, for the first time.

-- Attending the premiere of Conan O'Brien Can't Stop (which was hilarious, Conan was there!)

-- Not getting trampled at the Strokes show.

-- Not getting punched by Ben Weasel.

-- Not getting tased or maced at Beauty Bar.

-- Getting tipped off about the Mars Volta secret show at Emo's. So glad I could make that.

-- Trash Talk, Off and Bad Brains at Emo's (Main Stage). Wow. Bad Brains played mostly faster hardcore stuff!

-- Supporting my friends in Zlam Dunk and Tactics whenever possible.

-- Getting in at the last minute to see Eugene Mirman and several other hilarious comedians at Esther's Follies with one of my best friends.

-- Hanging out with my best friends, riding my bike finally and amazing weather.

-- Occasionally feeling smug about being a local.**

Things that I hope are better next year:

-- Almost anything to do with infrastructure.

-- Almost anything to do with the tone and mood of the crowd. I miss the vibe from around 2006-2007.

-- Please don't trash my city.

-- Please don't make snide comments about my city if you've moved here and are disappointed because you did so after only visiting here during SXSW.

-- Please don't attempt to drive Downtown between Cesar Chavez and 10th Street unless you absolutely have to.

I bought a local wristband because I was unsure if I could get the time off during the day to attend free shows as usual, but it ended up saving me a lot of headaches for shows I wanted to see at night. It's not nearly as expensive as an ACL Pass. Speaking of, despite all of the new drawbacks to SXSW this year, it's still an infinitely better time to be a local than during ACL.*** Anyone can find something to do that appeals to then, and spending a lot of money is certainly not a requirement. If you're bitter about SXSW, and don't want to deal with the crowds, just hang out in South Austin and enjoy yourself anyway.

Thanks,

- Jordan

*If you're going to attend a free promotional place for the week, I highly recommend getting in at IFC. Also, free pretzels.

**This is also a negative, because I don't like being smug if I can help it, and usually feel bad after I catch myself doing so. I don't like when people are smug so I shouldn't be so myself, ever. Sometimes though I don't realize it when I am coming off as such.

***Stay tuned for my usual disgruntled post about the Austin City Limits Music Festival coming in September.

OMG, this Place is, Like, So Weird and Funky

Lots of people like to visit Austin during holidays and festivals. That's fine with me because I would visit here too. However, and I hope I'm wrong about this, but there seems to be a gradually developing sense of annoying entitlement among visitors here (especially during ACL) that was once limited to New Yorkers flooding New England (or so the legend goes) with their presence during the peak of fall foliage (whatever that is). It's not really hard to tell who is probably from out of town. Here are the signs:

• Taking a group picture, with the State Capitol and Congress Avenue in the background, from the middle of Congress Ave. as cars swerve around them.
• Marveling at someone playing guitar on a sidewalk, as if that's unusual.
• Waiting in the middle of an active traffic lane for a parking spot to open up directly in front of their destination (anyone that's been in the Austin area more than a year knows this is not something that should ever be expected or deserved). 
• Driving under 30 miles per hour on any stretch of Lamar Blvd. (speed limit is usually 35-40, in reality it's actually 50 for most people that live here).
• Wearing what can vaguely be described as a "cowboy hat" (especially common among SXSW tourists).
• Attempting to take pictures of the Congress Ave. Bridge bat flight well after sunset. This is a futile exercise because the bats are dark, the sky is dark and the bats, while numerous, are really small. Save that room on your memory cards for the Stevie Ray Vaughn statue, pictures of you and your friends in front of Chuy's or one of those guitar sculptures on Congress.
• Expressing genuine surprise when the temperature surpasses 100F degrees between May and September and stating something like "I didn't realize it would get this hot here", apparently having never before having looked at where Austin is on a globe.
• Turning east on Sixth Street downtown*.
• Left turns from the right lane** (for some reason a lot of visitors seem to think this is legal here)

I love the fact that people want to come and hang out in my city. And a lot of people do so in a way that is beneficial to themselves as well as the people who actually live here. But please, don't be lame and we'll resent you less (if at all). 

Also, while I realize that Austinites aren't the best drivers in the world, they're far from the worst. Please don't judge us by your terrifying experiences on I-35, as most drivers on there are from other regions and haven't discovered how awesome (and worth it) the SH-130 toll road bypass is yet. Most people who actually live here use I-35 as little as possible. If anything, judge our driving by what happens on MoPac***.

Have a good afternoon, enjoy your time here, help us to be able to put up with your time here and keep Austin whatever.

- Jordan

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*A few months ago I observed a car with Georgia plates blow past me on Lavaca downtown, two lanes from the right lane and then rapidly turn right from that lane (the wrong way, from the very wrong lane) onto Sixth, probably thinking about how awesome they were while me and every other car behind them blared our horns in exasperated horror. I've got to hand it to the Californians for at least being much more  competent drivers (I really have nothing against people from California, love the state and its people, I just wish they'd pick some other cities besides ours to move to as well).

**As well as right turns from the left lane.

***MoPac is used almost exclusively by people who live here, does not have 100,000 semi-trucks per mile and is not being used by a sizable percentage of people from Dallas to get to San Antonio (or vice-versa).